there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
