dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
