did you get engaged???
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
