I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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