It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
are you so shy because you have an std?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
