I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
