Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize