drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
