So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
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While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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