you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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