You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize