After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
