so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
