I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
