I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
