You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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