Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
