I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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