i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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