I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
