I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
