Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
