If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
