I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
