I'd wear matching sweaters with you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
