You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
