It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
