you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
