I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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