I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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