Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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