I want to make a zoo with you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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