Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
