Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
