I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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