dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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