i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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