I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
