we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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