I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
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i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize