My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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