tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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