It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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