in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
