Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
