Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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