By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
