I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
