I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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