I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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