I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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