Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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