You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
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I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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