every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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