at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What drink are we having for lunch?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can you bring me the toilet please
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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