im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
