Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
