he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
