Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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