Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
