Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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