my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
