Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
