Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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