genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
