Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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