I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
