I am puke
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
