Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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