why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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