Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
